I don’t know what Henley’s meaning for this song is but I know what it meant to me.
This song is dedicated to the hundreds of brand new Dad’s, whose baby daughters and sons entered this world in my presence. How lucky was I to have attended and witnessed so many births over the years? The most profound miracles of my life!
As for this video, I am so impressed with Don Henley live. Though the quality of this video is not great, what a polished performance.
I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name
Still there was sorrow and emptiness
Till you made me glad
Oh and this love
I found strength
Never knew i had
And this love
Is like nothing i have ever known
Take my hand
I’m taking you home
Taking you home
There were days, lonely days
When the world
Wouldn’t throw me a crumb
But I kept on believin’
That this day would come
And this love
Is like nothing like I have ever known baby
Take my hand
I’m taking you home
I’m taking you home
Where we can be with the ones who really care
Home
Where we can grow old together
Keep you in my heart forever
Oh and this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand
Taking you home
Taking you home
Yes I am
mysteriously little info available, apparently a bit of controversy, hope I don’t get in any trouble for this post. 😒
I ran away from home when I was just a kid…I mean, a LONG way from home.
Left my beaches and my ocean in San Diego, and headed east in search of peace.
Ended up in Natchez, Mississippi, and lived with relatives I thought could save me.
I guess they did, but not how I had hoped they would.
I lived in Natchez throughout high school, learned very hard lessons about education, religion, music, politics, and friends.
Left there in search of my adult home, and for people less confusing. In the deep South, they were, and still can be, the most warm, open, loving, giving people you will ever meet…and some are also historically and genetically predisposed to be filled with hate and prejudices. Dual Realities.
But that river. She really gets under your skin and draws you back and back and back again. And I’m glad she does because without her pull, I never would have ended up with the love of my life, James. Natchez was his San Diego.
So we go to visit as often as we can. Ol Black Water, indeed. (sound track for your visit to THERiver.
Oh boy, I accidentally did a whopper piece of personal therapy this morning, searching for a song about Search.
I immediately thought of all my life long searches!
First, my youth, I searched for my biological father who left before I was born. I know, in this day and age, it should be easy right? Well, his name was Michael John Kelly. (Might as well have been John Smith!) I started at 13 years old, looking up that name in local libraries. They used to carry phone books from all over the United States, so, using my babysitting money, I would write post cards to as many addresses as I could afford postage for.
Then, in my twenties, I started searching for my daughter, who I had to give up for someone else to raise.
I’ve written about her several times. One example:
In thinking about a song for today’s theme, I realized even though I had the best (step) Dad in the world, and have found, and dearly love, my relationship with my daughter, I am still searching. Sometimes quietly, in the back ground, but sometimes, frantically, like my life depends on finding…what?? I don’t really know. (Well, I do, but that’s another post…)
At 70 years old, there are so many other things I still and always searched for that are unlikely now. That’s not me giving up. That’s the healthiest part of me, gently and lovingly, coercing me back into the present moment.
I guess that pushy voice, my “Guardian”, has always been there, Sometimes it’s audible and sometimes it is blocked by unfinished grief…but it’s constant and reliable when I am willing and able to listen, to hear.
And most importantly, to accept that it is there for ME, not just my clients, my friends, my family, not all the other lost souls I share that voice with when I forget to listen for myself.
You go Alanis! Thanks for always sharing your “therapy” with us in your music!!
You, you who smiled when you’re in pain
You who soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down
So why, why would you talk to me at all
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog
And where was your watchman then
I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed
And where was your watchman then
I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
Now no more smiling mid crest fall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm
Now enter your watch woman
I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
Songwriters: Guy Sigsworth / Alanis Nadine Morissette
This first shot (below) I did not take (obviously, because I am in the the photo, but it is one of my most important photographs. It’s a picture of me with my very best friend, taken by my other very best friend.
We are all gathered on the beach in Port Townsend to do a Good-bye Ritual for my three pets, all gone withing two months of each other. This beach was my 16 year old purebred German Shepherd’s favorite place to run free.
This next photo I caught by accident many years ago but to your eye, the true subject matter might not be obvious. This is my very precocious 16 month old grandson, who has come upon his mother, washing her hair in the huge spa bathtub, in a beautiful mountain cabin we had rented. He is mesmerized by what he sees through the door crack and stays frozen in this position, watching, for 5 full minutes (an eternity, if you have ever been around toddlers).
These two are of our kitten Lucy. Neither really captures her essence but I thought the photos were kind of interesting.
Boy, I am realizing how poignant photographs From the Back can be…at least the ones I have taken.
The one below is of my son, his wife, and their boys, on what would turn out to be their last Family Outing…EVER.
A few weeks ago, the photo above of my family would have been one of my saddest ever, but my beloved 18 year old Heart Cat just died so this last picture, right below, has usurped that position, for a while anyway…
His reflection “From the Back” in that glass cabinet
really gets me…
**The “featured” photo at the top is my son, with his son, walking in the woods on San Juan Island.
This may be a stretch but I wrote the following letter on this Mother’s Day morning to all the wonderful Mom’s in my life. It may not be a town or region but I myself have always felt most “at home” when I am immersed into motherhood…where ever I am. It is definitely my favorite place in the world.
Dear Beautiful Mothers:
It is such a beautiful morning. I am sitting outside with my coffee, and I just told James, I feel a little like a Disney heroine this morning…like maybe Snow White? I am surrounded by singing birds, bunnies, squirrels and my favorite crows (who come to my call each day). Surely, the seven dwarfs will show up soon…
I am thinking about what Motherhood has meant to me in my life.
I feel such overwhelming gratitude today, Mother’s Day, 2018, even though I had to start “mothering” at such a young age. I did a lousy, uninformed job of it with my younger sisters. (I did do a great job of it with Fluffy, the Duck and with Moose, my very first dog though.)
Can you guess who cut all of our bangs???
But what I got from that experience of early mothering was my life’s “calling”. I have been a mother, in one form or another for my entire life. I have never wondered if it was the right “job” for me. And I continue to be absolutely amazed that, for a large part of my adult life, I actually got paid to be a professional Mom…to hundreds…a few of whom, still honor me with that title today. Amazing! Unexpected! And what a privilege!
I lost my own mother so young but was blessed to have many teachers, mentors, counselors, borrowed Moms, and relatives who all gave me a little mothering along my path. My “adopted” Elaine/Mom took that job on in such a serious and permanent way, she was my mother for more than twice the number of years I got to have my first Mom.
One of my most important and beloved Mentor/Teacher/Auntie/Moms has been Jean Clarke. Lucky for me she taught me very early in our almost 50-year long relationship, that none of us can ever have too many good Mom’s! So, I have tried to live that philosophy…mothering others when I can and accepting that from others when I need it.
Elaine/Mom is on the left and Jean Clarke on the right
When Michael was in his early twenties, I apologized to him for having to be gone so much during his school years. As a single mom, there were years when I worked 3 jobs and was in school full time!! (How did I ever do that??) He said the kindest thing ever. He said “Mom, it’s OK. Don’t you realize what you did for me? I was never alone. You surrounded me with lots of other mothers to take care of me.”
Anyway, I wanted you each to know I think about you on this day.
Those of you who helped me raise Michael…
Those who trusted me to mother you…
Those who mothered me (and those who generously shared your mothers with me) …
Those in my tribe who still mother me today…
Those still mothering younger children with such dedication, creativity and love…
Those who mothered your children so beautifully, they have now become lovely adults…
And those who may still be waiting for the return of that one kid you mothered who has needed to be so very far away from you…I really understand that one…
But the Mom I am most grateful for today is my daughter’s mother, Barbara. I could not raise that beautiful little baby girl and I had to wonder for more than 20 years what mother my daughter had been given to. Now, I know the answer and what a wonderful, kind, loving, open-hearted mother she is. It shows up in her daughter, our daughter…
I am blessed beyond belief to have my daughter’s family in my life.
Happy Mother’s Day and thanks to you all.
I couldn’t really send out enough thank-you bouquets, so I made you all a slide show from my morning walk. I hope you enjoy it.
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Love you all,
Kathie
PS My sweet neighbor, Vasantha, recently gave me an out of the blue, and for no occasion gift, the very best kind! She gave me two pieces of jewelry she said reminded her of me; a ring (blue and silver) and a Two-Cat pin, complete with moving tails. She wrote a lovely card that said “to one who nurtures birds with broken wings, embraces stray cats, and gives shelter to folks wholeheartedly…”
My motherhood recognized…unsolicited. What a gift!
PS Again-And who would have ever thought at this point in my life I would have also earned the title of BUG MOTHER!!!
Final PS, I promise- Don’t even let me get started on Grand-mothering!!!
Well, the theme today is Siblings or Brother/Sister.
For me, a heart-breaking theme…
I was just telling James last night, after watching one of those poignant long lost family reunion TV shows, I wish I could find some surprise, unknown siblings…from my biological father, whom I never met. Not that I didn’t search for the guy for much of my younger life. But looking for Michael John Kelly, I just never had any luck. Way, WAY too common an Irish name. Even with all the “Ancestry” type options we have these days, I have kind of given up.
I just wish I could have some kind of healthy reunion with the sisters I did have growing up. Pretty unlikely though.
I have to admit that along with my joy at Helen’s experiences with HER sister, I also experience some envy.
So, I thought of this song by Cris Williamson called “Sister”. I’ve posted it before but am not sure I included the above backstory. It’s a beautiful song, worth another listen, even if you already know it. I can close my eyes and imagine myself NOT the oldest sibling, taking care of everyone else, but having an older sister singing these words to me!!
Sister
All of the earth
Child of God
Just one of among the family
And you can count on me
to share the load
and I will always help you
hold your burden and I will be the one to help you
ease your pain.
Lean on me
I am your sister
Believe on me
I am your friend
Lean on me
I am your sister
Believe on me
I am your friend
I will fold you in my arms
like a white wing dove
Shine in your soul
your spirit is crying
spirit is crying
Born of the earth
Child of God
Just one among the family
And you can count on me to share the load
And I will always help you
Hold your burdens
and I will be the one to help you ease your pain.
Lean on me
I am your sister
Believe on me
I am your friend
Lean on me
I am your sister
Believe on me
I am your friend
Lean on me
I am your sister
Believe on me
I am your friend
Lean on me
I am your sister
Believe on me
I am your friend
I am your friend
PS Here’s some info on Cris Williamson, a wonderful and talented singer/songwriter.
I had the extreme pleasure of being at a Bonnie Raitt concert once, when she called Cris out on the stage to sing with her. They did “Angel from Montgomery”. Oh my GOD! What a beautiful combination of voices.
Questions this week are great!! Very thought provoking!
If a distant uncle dies and you were always his favorite and leaves you $50,000 (any currency) in his will, what would you do?
Put it in the bank. That would buy us another whole year in our house!!!!
Bedraggled though she is, I adore my funky old house!
What sound or sounds do you love?
Have to agree with Cee, that it’s usually the ocean…but at this time of year it is the bird orchestra that tunes up and plays it’s Daily Opus…just before sunrise. It is truly spectacular! You probably have an orchestra in your area too. You may just need to get up early to hear it.
Love the morning songs from my local covey
What’s your middle name? Why?
I also have a middle-name story.
I never had one as a kid. Always just Kathie Bessey. Then I found out Mr. Bessey was not my biological father. So I rebelliously took it upon myself to add my birth father’s last name as my middle name. I became Kathie Kelly Bessey. Then I married my son’s father and again, still a little miffed about the childhood deceit I experienced, dropped the Bessey and became Kathie Kelly Arcide. That Arcide guy did not stick around for long but now it was my son’s name too, so I kept it.
Then, as time passed (and I did some serious personal therapy), all was forgiven so I added back in my “real” Dad’s name and became Kathie Kelly Bessey Arcide.
One of the best stories I have ever written is about that. You can read about it here…
What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week?
Honestly, I appreciated Blogging. The whole experience. The discipline to write and post often. The wonderful new friends I’ve made. A terrific excuse to carry my camera around with me everywhere. The kick in the butt to go for a walk even when I can barely move my legs, just because I might capture a photo for my blog!
