The story behind the need for this playlist in the first place is way too long (and very personal) so I will spare you. The short version is this. The combination of music represents the ending of the very best, most fulfilling, most love-filled 25 years of my life.
And even though I put together this CD in the first place for a very specific, very close group of dear friends…chosen family, really…I have found this group of songs really helpful in my therapy practice for several clients needing to grieve over the years.
The info about, and lyrics for, each song are available online (would have made this post way too long) and I hope if any of this music speaks to you (sings to you?) that you’ll research further.
Grieving the changes in Relationships
Miles Away by Marc Cohn
Sometimes we just need to be in the feelings for a while.
Help me Understand by Juliette Wyers
Then comes the struggle for meaning.
We Just Disagree by Dave Mason
Sometimes this is the only thing that makes sense,
Thank U by Alanis Morrisette
And then we can move into Gratitude, even for the difficult
Thank You by Karen Drucker
Slowly adding to our list of appreciations
My Thanksgiving by Don Henley
Until we realize, we wouldn’t really trade a minute of it,
Love Heals the Wounds it Makes by Eva Cassidy
And any left over pain will slowly mend,
I Miss You by Randy Newman
Leading us back to our original state of Love and oneness….
Voyage of the Soul by Frederick Delarue
Where in lies the greatest peace of all.
This song was the back drop for one of the great loves of my life. It was even kind of “our song”. (Us and billions of others, I’m sure!)
But that relationship, for all its surprise and wonder and beauty and fun and joy, quite nearly killed me off.
I’m recovered, 20 years later, from its ferocious ending, but my professional life never did.
Oh boy, I accidentally did a whopper piece of personal therapy this morning, searching for a song about Search.
I immediately thought of all my life long searches!
First, my youth, I searched for my biological father who left before I was born. I know, in this day and age, it should be easy right? Well, his name was Michael John Kelly. (Might as well have been John Smith!) I started at 13 years old, looking up that name in local libraries. They used to carry phone books from all over the United States, so, using my babysitting money, I would write post cards to as many addresses as I could afford postage for.
Then, in my twenties, I started searching for my daughter, who I had to give up for someone else to raise.
I’ve written about her several times. One example:
Here’s the piece of work I did this morning.
In thinking about a song for today’s theme, I realized even though I had the best (step) Dad in the world, and have found, and dearly love, my relationship with my daughter, I am still searching. Sometimes quietly, in the back ground, but sometimes, frantically, like my life depends on finding…what?? I don’t really know. (Well, I do, but that’s another post…)
At 70 years old, there are so many other things I still and always searched for that are unlikely now. That’s not me giving up. That’s the healthiest part of me, gently and lovingly, coercing me back into the present moment.
I guess that pushy voice, my “Guardian”, has always been there, Sometimes it’s audible and sometimes it is blocked by unfinished grief…but it’s constant and reliable when I am willing and able to listen, to hear.
And most importantly, to accept that it is there for ME, not just my clients, my friends, my family, not all the other lost souls I share that voice with when I forget to listen for myself.
You go Alanis! Thanks for always sharing your “therapy” with us in your music!!
A couple of years ago, on this date, I posted about 9/11. Maybe you’ll read it and let me know what you think.
It starts like this…
I couldn’t write this on Sunday. I couldn’t even think about it on Sunday. I do not understand why the anniversary THIS year would be any more difficult than all the other years but finally realized, for 13 of the last 15 years since it happened, I have done something on the anniversary with all that grief.
(I noticed, going back to find this, that the song I originally chose didn’t work so I’ll try this one here)
Please read my earlier post (link below) if you like and join me in remembering…..
Song reminds me of my Dad but his car was, in fact, a 1960 pale yellow, Buick convertible. Man he loved that car. When he could get enough time off work, he would pile my sisters and me in the car, and take us on what he called our Road Trips (never more than a few hours away).
My favorite was in the dead of winter when he would drive until we found snow…hard to do in San Diego.
He’d bundle us up in blankets, lower the top, crank up the heater full blast and drive the freezing mountain roads….