SongLyricSunday 9/30/18 theme “Search”

Oh boy, I accidentally did a whopper piece of personal therapy this morning, searching for a song about Search.

I immediately thought of all my life long searches!

First, my youth, I searched for my biological father who left before I was born. I know, in this day and age, it should be easy right? Well, his name was Michael John Kelly. (Might as well have been John Smith!) I started at 13 years old, looking up that name in local libraries. They used to carry phone books from all over the United States, so, using my babysitting money, I would write post cards to as many addresses as I could afford postage for.

Then, in my twenties, I started searching for my daughter, who I had to give up for someone else to raise.

I’ve written about her several times. One example:

https://chosenperspectives.com/2017/05/14/song-lyric-sunday-mothers-day-2017/

Here’s the piece of work I did this morning.

In thinking about a song for today’s theme, I realized even though I had the best (step) Dad in the world, and have found, and dearly love, my relationship with my daughter, I am still searching. Sometimes quietly, in the back ground, but sometimes, frantically, like my life depends on finding…what?? I don’t really know. (Well, I do, but that’s another post…)

At 70 years old, there are so many other things I still and always searched for that are unlikely now. That’s not me giving up. That’s the healthiest part of me, gently and lovingly, coercing me back into the present moment.

I guess that pushy voice, my “Guardian”, has always been there, Sometimes it’s audible and sometimes it is blocked by unfinished grief…but it’s constant and reliable when I am willing and able to listen, to hear.

And most importantly, to accept that it is there for ME, not just my clients, my friends, my family, not all the other lost souls I share that voice with when I forget to listen for myself.

You go Alanis! Thanks for always sharing your “therapy” with us in your music!!

You, you who smiled when you’re in pain
You who soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down
So why, why would you talk to me at all
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog
And where was your watchman then
I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed
And where was your watchman then
I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
Now no more smiling mid crest fall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm
Now enter your watch woman
I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
Songwriters: Guy Sigsworth / Alanis Nadine Morissette
Guardian lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Song Lyric Sunday Theme for 9/30/18

 

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A Photo a Week Challenge: From the Back 9/29/18

This first shot (below) I did not take (obviously, because I am in the the photo, but it is one of my most important photographs. It’s a picture of me with my very best friend, taken by my other very best friend.

We are all gathered on the beach in Port Townsend to do a Good-bye Ritual for my three pets, all gone withing two months of each other. This beach was my 16 year old purebred German Shepherd’s favorite place to run free.

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This next photo I caught by accident many years ago but to your eye, the true subject matter might not be obvious. This is my very precocious 16 month old grandson, who has come upon his mother, washing her hair in the huge spa bathtub, in a beautiful mountain cabin we had rented. He is mesmerized by what he sees through the door crack and stays frozen in this position, watching, for 5 full minutes (an eternity, if you have ever been around toddlers).

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These two are of our kitten Lucy. Neither really captures her essence but I thought the photos were kind of interesting.

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Boy, I am realizing how poignant photographs From the Back can be…at least the ones I have taken.

The one below is of my son, his wife, and their boys, on what would turn out to be their last Family Outing…EVER.

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A few weeks ago, the photo above of my family would have been one of my saddest ever, but my beloved 18 year old Heart Cat just died so this last picture, right below, has usurped that position, for a while anyway…

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His reflection  “From the Back” in that glass cabinet

really gets me…

 

 

**The “featured” photo at the top is my son, with his son, walking in the woods on San Juan Island.

 

 

 

https://nadiamerrillphotography.wordpress.com/2018/09/29/a-photo-a-week-challenge-late-from-the-back/

Lens Artists Photo Challenge 9/16/23 Small is Beautiful

Small really can be beautiful. Macro and close-up photography is my favorite! Too many choices so here’s a selection.

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Baby Bug

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Bits and pieces of all the tiny treasures from childhood, turned into “toy Baskets”

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A huge bouquet?

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Or maybe not. Found all these itty bitty flowers in a meadow along side a road!

 

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Big to these guys but relatively small for “Bug Clean-up”

 

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https://shareandconnect.wordpress.com/2018/09/15/lens-artists-photo-challenge-11-small-is-beautiful/

A Photo a Week Challenge 9/21/18 theme Movement!

Posted these recently for the theme of “action” but it was so delightful watching these two “flower girls” burn off some energy waiting for the dang wedding to start, I thought I’d share them again for movement.

https://chosenperspectives.com/2018/09/02/lens-artist-photo-challenge-9-1-18-action/

I made the mistake of looking further in my files and found this…

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And this…(not a very clear shot but I have waited for YEARS to see one of our wild turkeys fly!!)

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But then I remembered the wonderful train trip we took from Seattle to San Diego…

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Can’t stop now. This challenge had stimulated some serious movement in me!

Next, I found this,,,

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Normally quite docile, this batch of my bugs is very fast moving and cleaning their home has become a two person job. James has to watch them while I refresh their terrarium!

They usually just wait patiently on the screen lid while I clean, except when..and I’m not making this up…I play Pink Floyd. Then they line up like these guys, and no kidding, will sway in time with the music. Little line dancing Extasotoma’s!! (One time I even tried posting a video of this dancing phenomenon on YouTube. Hey, I thought it was cute. But was turned away because I didn’t have the rights to Comfortably Numb. I didn’t know. It was just playing on Pandora while I was cleaning.)

And then there is the movement you don’t want to see!!

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Or lastly (honest,) the movement that absolutely CANNOT happen!!!

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There’s my submission for this topic, Movement!

 

I had fun!

 

https://nadiamerrillphotography.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/a-photo-a-week-challenge-ready-set-action/#respond

a Photo a Week Challenge: Water

ttps://nadiamerrillphotography.wordpress.com/2018/09/13/a-photo-a-week-challenge-water-2/

I come alive around the water. I grew up on the beach in San Diego, so I am particularly fond of the Pacific Ocean.

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Living in the Washington State for more than 45 years now, I have had to be creative in fooling my psyche into believing all water is the same…beautiful, calming, energizing, inspiring.

I’ve actually done a pretty good job. Of course, the Pacific Northwest is a water paradise

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But occasionally, I still need to travel in search of water…

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Mississippi River in Natchez
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A Lagoon in Alabama
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Pensalcola

And if I can’t get to a large body of it, I’ll settle for anything…

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Street Anemones

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PS I apologize for my complete lack of restraint!! Picking just one of almost ANYTHING is just too big a challenge for me these days.

https://nadiamerrillphotography.wordpress.com/2018/09/13/a-photo-a-week-challenge-water-2/