Face We called him the buddha baby for the first several months of his life, partly for the all-knowing twinkle in his eye and his constant grin, but mostly for his laid back, peace-inducing demeanor. OK, and maybe because of those cheeks and that belly!
Category: Optimism
Saving the Best for Last: a Love Story for the Natchez High Class of 66!
Happy 10th Anniversary to my James ♥
Dear Natchez High Class of 1966, (the longest “christmas Letter” ever!)
After we left y’all at our 40th Reunion in 2006, James and I have made quite a life for ourselves. You all witnessed the beginning of us, (unless you actually remember even earlier…James and I hanging out back in high school during The King and I rehearsals). Some of you probably spotted the potential before either one of us did.
Actually, it was pretty instant. Eye contact at the Pig Roast at Everett’s. We both knew even before we even arrived back to our separate homes out West in June, 2006.
Spotted this on my long drive home that June
I was the more resistant at first, not wanting to be in a long-distance relationship. (This was when I thought James still lived in Mississippi.) But when I found out that he was just across my local mountains, a mere 4 hour drive (from Bellevue to Spokane, WA.) I was a goner. No excuses. Early on, we had fun discovering the mutual secret crushes we both hidden in our adolescent friendship during our time together at NACHS.
During our first couple of years together since that reunion, the 4 hour drive was sometimes inconvenient, but both of us willingly accepted the challenge and began making room in our separate lives for each other.
Sometimes all we had time for was driving two hours each, meeting halfway between our homes but that became another sweet adventure. Talk about meeting in the middle of nowhere! This is the Columbia Gorge.
We have now lived in both our places for most of these 10 years.
Learning about each other’s’ lives since high school has unearthed so many experiences in common…and many near misses as our paths almost crossed…serendipity!
We both “served our country”, James, by being in the Army during the Vietnam era, and me, by becoming a VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America), our country’s Peace Corp.
Fierce Idealist!
James in Vietnam Kathie in Birmingham
We both lived in the San Francisco Bay area at the same time, during the height of the Haight/Ashbury Hippie days.
We both travelled the country and chose the beautiful Northwest in which to settle. A couple of times, I was back in Mississippi while James was out West, in San Diego (where I had returned to after high school in Natchez) just missing each other.
We have both inherited such wonderful things from each other’s lives.
We have two homes now; one, a gorgeous mountain retreat, built by James with his own talented hands! And one, a unique suburban homestead, much of which has been built (or held together with duct tape) by my own hands.
My misleading “little house”…it’s actually quite large
I get to have live music regularly in my life now, as James has continued to play off and on professionally.
He and my son connected over music right away.
Michael and James on guitar photo
James at a Spokane gig
James got me on the Harley
and I gave him a family
![DSC03582[1]](https://i0.wp.com/chosenperspectives.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/dsc035821.jpg?w=98&h=131&ssl=1 "DSC03582[1]")
James with his new family
James gave me his circle of friends that have been meeting every Wednesday night for over 20 years at what they call The Wheel. (This is an amazing group of folks in Spokane who gather on a mountain top to celebrate Nature and to support each other. They call it the “Church of the Blue Dome”.)
The Wheel
And I gave him my sister’s home in the San Juan Islands where we get to house-sit every year for a few weeks.
Oh, my sister’s husband is now one of J’s very best friends.
They think they are so tough. Lenore and I think they are just HOT!
We have had great travel adventures. We’ve been back to Natchez several times, almost bought an “older home” there, and with each visit, we gained weight by filling up on real catfish and hushpuppies…oh, and fried green tomatoes and dill pickles.
My sweet cousins and me
We took an amazing road trip on the Harley, down the West Coast as far as Pacific Grove, and camped in the Redwood Forest, which James had never seen before! (below)
We have been to San Diego a few times, enjoying the Beach Life I grew up in…
And we have both tried to make up for all the lost time by sharing our Mothers with each other.
James and siblings visiting Mother Alma’s grave in Natchez
James even went with me to visit my Mother’s grave for the very first time.
My mother’s grave in the Fort Rosecrans military cemetery in Point Loma
And a huge highlight for me is that James was with me and my son and his family, when we reunited with my long lost daughter, Pamela and her family.
![DSC03569[2]](https://i0.wp.com/chosenperspectives.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/dsc035692.jpg?w=326&h=245&ssl=1 "DSC03569[2]")
![DSC03572[1]](https://i0.wp.com/chosenperspectives.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/dsc035721.jpg?resize=388%2C291&ssl=1)
Me, with BOTH my children at the same time…a dream come true
We have done so much to improve our two homes.
James has used his amazing skills to fix up, save and improve my Bellevue home of 40 years now. It’s over 100 years old and needed his talent. He even built me a Group Therapy Room so I could bring my practice home after I sold my long time office building. It’s really the very best room in the whole house.
And I introduced James to my 38 years long best friend and former business partner and he and his wife and James and I have added on the equivalent of another home to J’s mountain “cabin” so we can all live together as we age. (All four of us WRITE! My best friend and his wife are both published, she has even won an award http://www.patriciacleary.net/ ).
But James is the sleeper. He is incredibly talented! The novel he’s working on rivals anything Grisham has written and, dare I say it, maybe even our own Greg Iles. (James will deny this, LOUDLY.) I’m writing a nonfiction book that will hopefully be a legacy for my grandchildren, at least.
Casa Esmeralda-Before and After (named, as James often does, after Emerald Mound)
James and I are so grateful to have connected at this later point in our lives because we know we probably would not have survived with each other earlier, given all the hard relationship lessons we both had to learn.
We really wanted to come to the 50th Reunion this year, and had planned to when we thought it would be Memorial Day weekend. We were going to dance outrageously and give y’all “Something to Talk About”……………(You’ll have to get James to tell you the story of Bonnie Raitt singing that very song to him!!!)
But instead, you get the world’s longest “Christmas Letter”!
So sorry to miss you all. And I hope you turn the town upside down this weekend!!
Love and Hugs from,
Kathie Bessey Arcide and James Carl Fletcher
(although he doesn’t know I’m doing this! It is my anniversary gift to him!!) ♥
My favorite picture!
PS Someone posted this recently.
http://www.natchezrebels.org/james/
Was it you Larry?
Admiration for Inherited friendship
Admiration The theme this week for WordPress Photo Challenge is to show someone we admire and tell about them.
So here goes….
I can sometimes be overly protective of my friends. Occupational hazard? Oldest child syndrome? Personal grandiosity? Who knows but let me just say, it took me a while to get on board with my very best friend when he finally found his heart-head-soul mate!
I mean, I had watched him make some lousy girlfriend choices during our 39 year long best friendship including choosing ME, for about a minute, in the very beginning. (Thank god we both knew to nip that sucker in the bud. Oh man, the friendship, the partnership, the family times we could have missed out on….)
Anyway, a few years ago, he brings home this woman and even though right away, he thinks she’s “the one”, someone had to remain skeptical until she proved herself worthy! Right?
Poor woman. I wonder if she even noticed those piping hot coals we all raked her over. Probably not, because my best friend’s family (and me) all have way too much class to do that in any kind of noticeable way. As for Patty, describing her as having grace and class, well let’s just say I now know what “woefully inadequate” means.
But let me tell you, she’s all the way “in” now. I just love this woman. She is exactly who she says she is. She is fun and funny and generous and patient (especially with my friend). She is stunningly beautiful and exceptionally smart…maybe even smarter than my best friend, but do NOT tell him I said that. He has a fairly healthy ego, that one.
Turns out she and I grew up just blocks from each other in San Diego and while I sat at the beach, dreaming of becoming a people helper, a few years later, she was at the same beach, writing like crazy, rehearsing to become a famous writer.
Her list of achievements on the road to her youthful goal is long. She was a “professor of bilingual education, a school principal, and wrote teacher guides, educational texts and curricula.”
That last is an excerpt from the bio on her award winning NOVEL!!! Just one of her books! Check her out!!
http://www.patriciacleary.net/
http://www.patriciacleary.net/blog/
She has accomplished so much more and survived unbelievable challenges but those are her stories to tell, not mine.
She and my best friend, along with me and my James, have created a permanent friendship, a partnership really. We are building a home together, a retreat “compound”, for ourselves now and as a legacy for our children and their children.
This is the four of us after a hard day’s work building Casa Esmeralda.
I’m so happy for my best friend, but even happier for myself.
Look who I inherited!!!
And THIS is the same woman!! Fearless, determined, amazingly strong!
Mutual Admiration Society
Admiration for my Teacher/Mentor/Auntie
Admiration
This is Ms. Jean Illsley Clarke.
You can Google Jean and find a number of pictures and videos, and also, references to her books, etc. She’s a very accomplished woman in more than one field. (I’ll even list some at the end of this post.) If you are a parent, a teacher or an adult educator, and have not treated yourself to some Jean Clarke, you have a treat in store.
But none of that published stuff tells you what she is like as a woman, a friend, a beloved “family” member.
The first thing you need to know is that clearly, she lies about her age. As of just a week ago, she was claiming something ridiculous like 92! But this is how she still looks! Come on!
Jean has this amazing presence and presentation that invites Guru-type adoration and attention, which she disallows in such a down to earth way, you feel her equal.
She is an unparalleled teacher and workshop presenter, who can tame the most obnoxious, disruptive students or hecklers, without them ever even knowing it…no shame from Jean…ever.
And, as my Mentor of almost forty years, more like a beloved Aunt now, she has taught me more about myself than anyone. And believe me, I have done a lot of therapeutic soul-searching about myself! That’s partly an occupational necessity…I am a Psychotherapist. (that is ONE word, by the way.) When I think I’ve reached down as dark as it gets, Jean encourages me to dig even deeper. She has helped me hang on in some of the toughest moments of my life.
Imagine this: You tell her your most painful story ever, trusting like never before, and here’s her reaction. She locks her penetrating blue eyes with yours for a long time and gently places her hand on your cheek. Then she says “Oh…(insert your name here)…”.
That’s it. That’s all it takes to know you are seen and heard and are absolutely not alone.
Seriously though, Oprah missed this one. Maybe even Dr. Phil. Not that those two should carry nearly the weight they do in terms of public opinion, but more people on the planet should know about this absolutely amazing woman, and hear about what she advocates.
My deepest admiration is of her ability to, no, her insistence on learning from absolutely everything. She is the consummate student of life. And the ultimate translator of these lessons into language the rest of us can easily understand and USE!
This is my favorite picture with Jean. It was a lovely sunset cruise around Puget Sound for our Staff R and R, after a power-packed, five day Training with about forty students.
Jean Illsley Clarke
Jean Illsley Clarke received a bachelor of science degree from the College of Education and Human Development (CEHD) at the University of Minnesota in 1948. She has been a pioneer and advocate for children and families in the state of Minnesota, across the nation, and internationally for more than three decades. She is widely recognized for her book Self-Esteem: A Family Affair that became the seminal work on how parents could raise children with healthy self-esteem.
From Amazon
Jean Illsley Clarke is an accomplished workshop leader and a nationally certified and internationally known parent educator. She is the author or co-author of several books about families including Self-Esteem: A Family Affair; Growing Up Again, Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children; Time-In: When Time-Out Doesn’t Work; How Much is Enough? Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likeable, Responsible, and Respectful Children. Who, Me Lead A Group? is about leadership skills.
She has designed, tested, and taught accompanying courses and has offered facilitator training across America and in other countries. Her books have been translated into eight languages. The developmental affirmations have been translated into ten languages and used with groups as diverse as affluent Americans and disadvantaged South Africans. Recently she has been involved in the five research studies on overindulgence.
Overindulgence talks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enw942U421Q
and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4VyMXbj1FE
Grandparenting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ultbBYRQRVk
Admiration on chosenperspectives for WPC
Undying admiration and gratitude for my long, LONG-time friend, Karuna. Our paths (in probably 30 years) have crossed, paralleled, drifted apart and re-linked more than a few times.
I won’t tell you my version of her whole biography. You can read that for yourself on
https://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com
But you won’t find a more courageous, adventurous, giving, dedicated, ethical and loving person, teacher, friend and mother.
Let me just say that what I am currently admiring most is her seemingly endless patience with me as my “Blog Coach” (and butt kicker)! Thanks Karuna for pushing (encouraging) me to do a WordPress Blog. I’m loving it and all the wonderful, talented, amazing people I am meeting.
PS Before you complain about the photo, Karuna, I think it captures so many of the things I listed above. You are truly a beautiful person!
Abstract from Harley Road Trip
From Bellevue, Washington to Pacific Grove, California (including camping in the Redwoods). This shot taken right after we were passed by the Hell’s Angels on the freeway next to Lake Shasta …hmm, reminds me of another great story.
Watch for “The Hell’s Angels meet the Mormons”!!
Choosing another series for WPC
Again, would appreciate any feedback on which of these is good. I absolutely love reflections and accidental (“abstract”) photos! (I just wish I would remember to turn off the dang “Date” feature on my little point and shoot Nikon.)
This series looks like the accidental double exposures I used to do years ago with a film camera…uh, if you are too young, about now you are saying “film what? huh?”.
I have this great corner window that looks out on Rhododendrons and lots of birds. In the afternoons the light is ever-changing and magical! Most of these shots are trying to capture some bird through the window but there is this all glass curio cabinet that the sun hits in the later afternoon…..
Hard to discern what is inside and what is outside…….story of my life…..
For “Pauses”-two of my favorite things
Grandsons and birds!
This is Juju’s first Close Encounter. At nine years old, he was instantly comfortable with a new friend’s pet.
Interesting side story; this bird’s caretakers build a cat door for the bird to come and go through…which it has for 20 years or so…Talk about your Free Bird! (Can you hear the obvious song in the background?)
Dinnertime for WPC #5
When we house-sit for my sister in the San Juan Islands, we have the best dinner times ever. They have a bamboo farm (Wild Bird Bamboo), the coolest house in the world and gardens that people travel great distances to see.
We usually come at the peak of the garden’s production time and of course, not wanting to waste any of it, they encourage us to EAT, EAT, EAT!!
So we do…just to please them, of course.
Enjoy a walk through paradise, and think about the dinners you could make!
bridge over pond
bench for meditating on small island in middle of pond
Ola, the Wonder Dog, accompanying Gardeners
Once across the two arched bridges, you come to a glorious expanse of well-loved Garden!
a sweeping left to right view
And THEN, there’s also the Greenhouse!
Go ahead…Pick and EAT!!!
(In the interest of full disclosure, we got the pecans and avocados at the market.)
HOORAY, DINNERTIME!
(Not shown; the huge blueberry bush enclosure, and the apple and peach trees!)
Don’t even get me started on the FLOWERS! Another post entirely!
Dinnertime for WPC #3
DinnertimeJust one of the fantastic dinners on our train trip from Seattle to San Diego!
(not sure James likes this picture though…even though that was one of his favorite bands to be in!)