Dark Chapter

52 chapters/stories for my book…that’s how many I have written but the rape chapter is the hardest.

I started out being kind of namby-pamby about it. That’s the feedback I got from my mentor/auntie, an author I deeply respect. She said “Kathie, you have to remove the sugar coating and tell us what actually happened.”

It took many years, but I finally did what she asked, leaving out no disturbing detail. To that version, she responded with “Well, maybe not THAT detailed!”

So I am trying a completely different approach this time.

I am house-sitting for dear friends as I write this. I am in a situation I rarely put myself in…alone for days (and worse, nights) in an unfamiliar house, in a very remote setting. I did all the things that for me are normal when I am in any new place… checked out all conceivable exits…found the quickest routes away from the house, noticing fast exit dangers, like locked gates, stuff to trip over, etc.….discovered any weaknesses in normal security (windows, door locks) and tested how they all sound. And I found the best hiding places inside the house in case escape is not an option.

It’s a pain in the butt to be me.

The point of telling you this is that even though I have done a shitload of therapy and healing work on having been raped, one result remains the same. I live my life differently than most people.

Here’s the opening I wrote when my mentor requested a more “detailed version”, but I edited it in this draft to honor her feedback to not be THAT detailed….

If I do ever get this chapter on paper the way I want it, I will keep my original title.

What I want to know is would you want to read a story that starts like this???

“Being Raped”

Being Raped has to be the title of this chapter. The odd tense of the word “being” implies a current circumstance that captures the experience, as if describing a state of being rather than an action.

That’s why it’s perfect.

In an instant, an event like this can become the definition of WHO you are. There is a part of the act, the trauma, the experience that continues in your body, your psyche, your mind, and your heart…as if it is in fact, still happening right now, always in the present tense.

If you have been raped, the incident just goes on and on and on, granted less loudly with time. But for you, intrusion, in any form will shock your body right back awake, no matter how far into the back of your Secret’s Closet you’ve shoved that rape, hoping to keep it fast asleep.

This will be true for the rest of your life…no matter how much therapeutic work you do. No matter how deeply you are able to heal.

You will never not know the terror of being awakened with a knife at your throat.

You will never not remember the feeling of being held down in your own bed by two men.

And you will never forget the popping sound of a gun being fired in the middle of this surprisingly quiet chaos… rousing the thought that though you may survive this knife, you still might end up getting shot!

All comments welcome! Thank you.

Chosen Perspectives Quest for WPC

Quest

I have been after a shot of this guy for it seems like years. He’s there, at the top of our power pole, most mornings, making that sound. Wakes me up. No idea what he could still be eating up there. You’d think the pole would be chewed down to nothing after all this time. If it’s carpenter ants he’s after, I’d happily wake up even earlier and invite him closer to feast on the swarm of those damn ants that are eating my house!

As much as I miss my flowering plum trees that hid part of the pole and where this beautiful guy used to hide between drummings, I am glad to be able to finally see him.

Ahh, for a better telephoto shot!

Check out the sounds at this link. My “Pileated alarm clock” is one of the very last sounds listed.

https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Pileated_Woodpecker/sounds

Mirror/Selfie? for WPC

Mirror

This is about as close as I ever get to a “selfie”!

(seriously, who first coined that word???)

img_7495

Photographing my bugs as the late afternoon sun hits their terrarium.

Practicing re-blogging?

I keep coming across such delightful writers and wanted to pass them on…

https://othermary.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/my-toes-are-betraying-me/

Hysterical!

She’s Baaack! Papa Osprey’s Welcome Gift. And a Storm Brewing.

Wonderful photos for us bird lovers!

here i am

I just want to scoop her up and hug her!!

Now are those “re-blogs” or “pingbacks”?

I know, I know, take the dang wordpress class, right?

all this talk about hair………..

I posted about Hair in response to Marilyn Armstrong’s post  https://teepee12.com/2016/08/11/the-surface-report-today-we-are-shallow/

Then Karuna posted in response to mine

https://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/2016/08/27/sixty-eight-years-of-hair/

Lots of comments back and forth (I don’t know how to share those) but here’s my latest response in response to Marilyn’s comment:

First, thank you🙂 It’s the thinning that’s so hard to deal with. I had a lot of hair for a long time. I think your hair looks GREAT.

And I respond:

These photos of my hair are NOT recent. I’ll have to post an updated photo so no one thinks I’m bitching about nothing! Although I guess it is all relative, eh?
sigh.

IMG_7380

just a warning to those who haven’t seen me in a while…

I’m losing ten to twelve of these hairballs a week now……..

 

(hmm, and I need a manicure…like I ever get those!)

In the meantime, enjoy my response to Karuna’s response.

 

Song Lyric Sunday/ANGER, even better!

https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2016/08/20/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-82116/#like-2043

 

Nobody Else in the World But You

by Don Henley

You live in a house of mirrors
Reflecting your splendid isolation
You have so much of everything
Except for true consideration
The way you dance
The way you walk
The way you drive
The way you talk
The way you eat
The way you drink
The way you act
The way that you don’t think

It’s like there’s-
Nobody else in the world but you
Nobody else in the world
Nobody else in the world but you
In case you haven’t noticed
There’s lots of other people here, too

Hey now, did your momma teach you anything?
Some things still got to be respected
Is it a sign of the times, or is it just your callous heart?
How did you get so disconnected?

The way you push
The way you shove
The way you hate
The way you love
The lies you spin
The scenes you make
The grief you give
The space you take
It’s like there’s-

Nobody else in the world but you
Nobody else in the world
Nobody else in the world but you
In case you haven’t noticed
There’s lots of other people here, too

And now it’s time you did a little giving, baby
The world is not your plaything, no, no, no

Nobody else in the world but you
Nobody else in the world
Nobody else in the world but you
In case you haven’t noticed
There’s lots of other people here

Nobody else in the world but you
Nobody else in the world
It’s like there’s-nobody else in the world but you
In case you haven’t noticed there are lots of other people here, too

Written by Don Henley, Stanley Lynch, Jai L. Winding • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group

 

Lyrics by GooglePlay