Oh boy, I accidentally did a whopper piece of personal therapy this morning, searching for a song about Search.
I immediately thought of all my life long searches!
First, my youth, I searched for my biological father who left before I was born. I know, in this day and age, it should be easy right? Well, his name was Michael John Kelly. (Might as well have been John Smith!) I started at 13 years old, looking up that name in local libraries. They used to carry phone books from all over the United States, so, using my babysitting money, I would write post cards to as many addresses as I could afford postage for.
Then, in my twenties, I started searching for my daughter, who I had to give up for someone else to raise.
I’ve written about her several times. One example:
Here’s the piece of work I did this morning.
In thinking about a song for today’s theme, I realized even though I had the best (step) Dad in the world, and have found, and dearly love, my relationship with my daughter, I am still searching. Sometimes quietly, in the back ground, but sometimes, frantically, like my life depends on finding…what?? I don’t really know. (Well, I do, but that’s another post…)
At 70 years old, there are so many other things I still and always searched for that are unlikely now. That’s not me giving up. That’s the healthiest part of me, gently and lovingly, coercing me back into the present moment.
I guess that pushy voice, my “Guardian”, has always been there, Sometimes it’s audible and sometimes it is blocked by unfinished grief…but it’s constant and reliable when I am willing and able to listen, to hear.
And most importantly, to accept that it is there for ME, not just my clients, my friends, my family, not all the other lost souls I share that voice with when I forget to listen for myself.
You go Alanis! Thanks for always sharing your “therapy” with us in your music!!
You who soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm
I’ll be your warrior of care, your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all as your guardian
https://helenswordsoflife.com/2018/09/29/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-9-30-18/
I love this song! So many of her lyrics are deeply profound, and I can pretty much track my past by which Alanis album I was listening to at the time 😁
Oh me too. And her anger switched over to gratitude right about the same time mine did! 😏
Beautiful! Alanis always has such a great message in her music.
I don’t think any of us every stop searching for ‘something’, but peace to you on your searches and your ‘finds.’ 🙂
Thanks so much. Always like your comments.
It’s like Bono says……..”We still haven’t found what we’re looking for?”Cheers,H
<3
So great to know you are out there still!!!
<3
That is a lot of searching. I hope one of these days, you are able to really connect and that it’s a connection that matters and makes a difference in your world.
Thank you Marilyn.