One of my “areas of expertise” as a Psychotherapist is relationships, but do not take the following as professional advice. Certain decisions are 100% personal.
Something I have seen so many times is outright lying, and I still don’t understand it.
It’s one thing to engage, for example, in “cheating” in a relationship. It’s a whole different level of yuck to lie about it, straight to someone’s face…even AFTER you’ve been caught!
I can almost understand the act of being unfaithful…there is almost always a perceived element of being carried away by something bigger than oneself, feeling helpless in the face of something, etc.
But the lying part…willful…crazy-making…calculated…that’s the part that would do me in. I couldn’t cheat because I would suffocate under the incredible crushing weight of the having to lie part.
And the lying part ends up to be the most damaging part of the whole thing, not the act of infidelity itself.
People who do finally do tell the truth about cheating can rarely offer good explanations.
Even my own former husband, after 13 years of what I thought was wedded bliss, only had this excuse to offer when I asked him why.
“Well, I thought I could get away with it.”
So if you wandered and did not get caught, think long and hard before indulging in that guilt-relieving dump some people feel compelled to do under the guise of total honesty, or “coming clean”. It is usually just for the cheater to get out from under the hefty guilt-weight of his or her actions. Or worse, it’s a passive aggressive move to make sure your indiscretion is known so it can actually hurt your partner.
That is your shit to carry…possibly forever. So shut the fuck up and live with it. Deal with the real issues!
But if you have been busted, tell the truth, for God’s sake!!
Don’t gaslight someone you supposedly love.
End of obviously biased lecture of the day!
There ain’t no use in me trying to tell you how I feel
’cause what I feel ain’t what you’re feeling
I don’t know what we did wrong
I just know if you come home
I ain’t gonna let you break my heart again
There ain’t no use in me trying to find out where you’ve been
Where you’ve been ain’t where I’m going
’cause if I ask you where you’ve been
The hurting starts and it don’t end
So I ain’t gonna let you break my heart again, no
I ain’t gonna let you break my heart again, no no
Tears don’t become me
Pain ain’t my friend
It seems like you enjoy my crying, baby
You always said that I was strong
But I believe that you were wrong
Lately, God knows, I have been trying
There ain’t no use in you trying to kiss away the hurt, baby
’cause it hurts where it’s deep down inside of me and it’s hiding
If you decide you’re coming home
You walk in, it won’t be like before
’cause I ain’t gonna let you break my heart again, no
Ain’t gonna let you break my heart again, no no
https://helenswordsoflife.com/2017/08/05/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-8617/
There’s a thought I wish to impart, but I’m not sure the words are available to do it justice. I was married for 18 years, lived with my husband for four years prior to our marriage. I was raised in a certain religious culture, and I took my vows very, very seriously. Then one day I literally caught him breaking those vows and making a mockery of all I thought we, as a couple, held sacred. I confronted him and he said “I didn’t think you’d understand. Besides it was *insert personal circumstance* and that doesn’t count, really.” This was about seven years into our marriage. I didn’t want to marry anybody in the first place and my outrage was huge. The betrayal was huge and it broke our marriage. I thought HE knew I’d understand his predilection, we shared a common burden with regard to our childhoods and things that happened then. Anyway as time progressed I had my own affair (several of them), because the crux of that initial infidelity by my husband was that we were now in an ‘open’ relationship. He caught me in one of them and that was the end of the marriage. He got to find out the betrayal and outrage that I’d felt. We never divorced, but it would have happened. He died first. So whatever the excuse is for the infidelity, to me? Keep it to yourself if you have to wander. Consider if being married is a good idea in the first place, because obviously it doesn’t fulfill whatever you think it might, or you wouldn’t be looking around or be tempted anyway.
I have so much to say in response to your response but will settle for thank you so much for this meaningful comment. I feel honored you shared.
I’ve always loved Bonnie Raitt’s voice and this is such a beautiful song. Great choice for this week. Thanks for sharing! ❤️